Higher Power kept calling me onward to the Prayer of the Heart, the Prayer of Quiet
By Barbara R., Sacramento, CA
I just attended the Introduction to Centering Prayer as a 11th Step Practice at Mercy Center, Burlingame CA. in late Nov. It was the first in Northern Calif. and Mercy Center has already scheduled the next one for Oct.30-Nov.1, 2009.The retreat was awesome with 27 attending, some of which had been using Centering Prayer for their 11th step, and some who were learning the method for the first time. I feel that there is such a deep need and hunger for these retreats and 11th Step meetings. I was introduced to Centering Prayer in 2000, and it was the first method of meditation that worked for me.
My sponsor used to take me to meditation groups in my first year of recovery, but they were guided meditations and I always felt like I was doing it wrong and I couldn't stand the way the "cosmic people" talked. You know, real airy like I'm on the mountain top way of speaking. Thank God my Higher Power kept calling me onward and especially to the Prayer of the Heart, the Prayer of Quiet. I have found a spiritual home with Centering Prayer because it is simple like our program.
I like many other people I know or have met through the years felt that I had had a spiritual awakening and worked the 11 step in prayer and a growing intimacy with God as I understood Him without practicing meditation. This was sufficient until around 11-12 years clean when I began to pay that price. For me the price of not cultivating silence resulted in a kind of spiritual complacency which led to me looking again outside of myself for happiness and peace. You know looking for love in all the wrong places.
It becomes very painful at 20 years clean to see some of my old patterns and defects of character still so alive and well. In my practice of Centering Prayer I submit to God's presence and action within{the Divine Therapist} In those 20 min. of silence I renew my intention to just rest in God. Letting go of the distracting thoughts as they come. There is a freedom in knowing that I really cannot do this Prayer wrong, only not being willing to do meditation and sit in the presence of this loving God within me is the only mistake I can make.
So I keep it simple and let go and let God trusting that all is well and only He can truly heal me from the wounds of a lifetime and it is only by going within and resting in the silence will I find true happiness and peace. I have also been a member of the Folsom Prison Centering Prayer Group going on four years. My hope is to start an 11th Step meditation group within the walls of Folsom in 2009.
This past June 10th I celebrated 28 yrs. clean and am very grateful to the programs of A.A. and N.A. and of this loving God who has kept me and loved me no matter what.
Peace, Barbara R.